I woke early and caught the 8am train back to Rotterdam. I was thinking of popping into to see my family but my son had a football game at 12 and I had promised him that I would be there having missed the match yesterday. Not wanting to disappoint again, I made sure that I left well on time for the 4 hour journey back home. The train was wonderful. Totally quiet and with a phone and tablet charged to 100% I was more than happy to sit and look at a screen for a the entire journey. For the first half hour I popped my earphones in and sat back and listen to my most recent playlist on Spotify.  For the rest I read my book (on the tablet) that I have not opened for at least 6 months and of course Facebook and Instagram.

I was home just before 12 and I jumped straight in the car to the football club. It was absolutely amazing weather. Crystal blue sky and 16 degrees. March weather at its best. Luckily I always carry suntan creme with me and applied a layer of factor 50 to my face before getting out of the car as I burn easily and quickly. I had tidied my makeup and fixed my hair in the train and was looking good. I felt alive and confident. I joined the other parents sitting in the stand and enjoyed watching my 10 year old play 11 a side for the first time. 3x 20 minutes.  They lost 6-4 but it didn’t matter, it was just a practice game after all.

When I am feeling good on a Sunday, there is no stopping me. I have to go into the city. Rotterdam is wonderful, with so much to offer and we always find some excuse to visit the center. Certainly with this weather. At 2.30 myself and my two youngest kids jumped on our bikes and cycled into town to the museum Boijmans van Beuningen. There is currently a surrealism display that I really want to see and the kids (although they always say that they don’t want to go)  always enjoy this museum. My son had already seen this expo with his dad and so knew the way. He was sort of proud that he could tell us a bit about the paintings and tell us way to the next room. My daughter and I just followed him, agreeing that we would come back without him next week.

After an hour in the museum we jumped on our bikes and headed for our favourite lunch place, a vietnamese restaurant near to the market. We always eat here if we can, they do the most wonderful baguettes and the kids love ordering bubble tea, It was the only terrace in Rotterdam that had no sun, so lunch was quick and we moved back to the market square where I had promised them a ride on the huge ferris wheel ‘ The View’.  It was the perfect day for it and we went high into the bright blue sky, seeing Rotterdam from every angle. I was loving every minute of today and tried not to think of the state that I was in yesterday.

After popping into the indoor market to purchase some beef to roast for dinner we headed off home and while cycling back, my thoughts returned to wine. Big time! I was literally gagging for a glass or two of cold chardonnay in the afternoon sun. As we cycled along all the bars, everyone seemed to be doing it and I was getting very thirsty. This was my last day of drinking before starting to cut down tomorrow as agreed with the clinic, and I could not wait to get started.

As soon as I got home I opened the fridge and pored a huge glass. I took it with me to the balcony and smoked a cigarette. I then took another glass, and another until the bottle was almost empty. It was bliss. A perfect day followed by wine and cigarettes in the sun on my balcony. Heaven. Oh how I am going to miss this the coming weeks.

In between cooking dinner and nipping outside for cigarettes I have managed to drink a bottle and a half and before 9pm. I feel rather guilt that I have drunk so much in a few hours and start to think about the hangover tomorrow. I guess after such gorgeous weather today I wont be the only woman drinking a bit too much vino and regretting it tomorrow. I am tempted to take another glass but know my limit. If I go anywhere above a bottle and a half I feel terrible and so I grab my laptop and move to the living room where I watch an episode of Sherlock on Netflix before going to bed.

This was a very good day to say ‘au revoir’ to the wine guzzling me.

Week 4.

My road to sobriety begins